➡️ How to gain confidence through: self-compassion, lineage and awareness

Hi! Welcome to the 30th edition of 💡learnshiv. Here, we bridge the gap between personal growth and social consciousness by providing tools to survive and thrive within systemic barriers.

Here’s what we’re talking about in this week’s newsletter:

• 👉🏽 How can you stay confident when life throws opposing forces your way?

  • I recently listened to this podcast episode from The Good Life Project about building confidence - I highly recommend it!

  • Here are my three main takeaways from this interview with Ethan Nichtern.

1) Cultivate self-compassion
Lesson: When facing criticism or failure, the most important thing you can do is practice self-kindness.

Explanation: Confidence isn’t about NEVER feeling pain. It’s also not about ALWAYS succeeding. In fact, some of the most confident people are confident because of all the “failures” and difficulties they’ve faced in their lives. Confidence is about trusting that no matter what arises, you can and will be able to handle it.

What you can do: 
a) When receiving feedback, prepare for that “ouch” moment that may be coming. Yes, receiving criticism might hurt, but if you prepare for that, you’re more likely to move on to learning from it. Feel the “ouch,” and then be kind to yourself and focus on what you can learn from this criticism to move forward.
b) Nichtern talks about the notion of “holding your seat.” He explains that it’s important to recognize the “winds” of life (pleasure/pain, success/failure, praise/criticism). Instead of being swayed by any of these winds, practice holding your seat, which means staying grounded. Whether you’re experiencing positive or negative experiences, they have one thing in common: they’re impermanent, so there isn’t any value in letting these experiences sway you.
c) Stay present, and remember, whether you’re experiencing extreme happiness or sadness, it won’t last. So, always be understanding of your situation, like you would with a close friend. Instead of allowing a bad experience to take over your emotions, be kind to yourself and then focus on moving forward with this new knowledge.

2) Harness the power of lineage
Lesson: We belong to a larger community of experiences and people.

Explanation: We don’t have to figure everything out on our own. Chances are, whatever you’re going through, someone in your community—friends, school, work, family—has gone through it before. By leaning on these people and other resources (like your online community), we realize that we’re not alone. We do have support and examples to follow.

What you can do:
a) Draw strength from others: Lean on your current community of mentors, teachers, inspirational figures (who can also be found online), and even strong figures from your past and their lessons of resilience.
b) Visualize receiving support: Nichtern talks about visualizing your mentors or even ancestors “coming with you” when you’re facing something challenging as this can help provide a sense of support and encouragement.
c) Put your personal challenges in perspective: When we engage in community and learn more about how others around us, or those in our past, overcame obstacles, it helps us put our own challenges into context. If others around you can do it - you can too. Believing this can help inspire confidence and build strength.

3) Develop awareness
Lesson: Recognizing your thoughts and emotions without judgment will help you react skillfully in difficult situations.

Explanation: When tackling something difficult, like receiving criticism, the automatic response is often to feel threatened, begin to defend yourself and feel defeated afterwards. Instead, if you can identify how you’re feeling in the moment and process it, your response will be much more skillful and productive before automatically reacting. These level-headed responses will help you build trust in yourself.

What you can do:
a) Apply the “Windhorse” effect - ride the winds of your difficult situation and use it as a source of power, not defeat. Recognize what you’re feeling and accept that energy instead of resisting it. Imagine this energy as a powerful wind. Visualize yourself not being blown over by it but harnessing it like you would ride a horse.
b) Pause and center - the calm pause is integral to mindfulness practices and will help you build confidence in your ability to handle tough moments. It may be hard at first, but practice pausing in difficult situations, acknowledge your feelings, and then determine how you need to move forward.
c) Meditation helps - Nichtern discusses meditation and it’s ability to help you stay present in both comfortable and uncomfortable situations. (I don’t usually recommend meditation because it’s SO hard for me, but he talked about it a lot in this episode, so I wanted to mention it.)

By focusing on these three areas—self-compassion, lineage, and awareness—and incorporating the practices of "holding your seat" and the "Windhorse effect" before challenging situations, you can develop a grounded, resilient form of confidence that supports both personal growth and effective social change work.

Thanks for reading our 30th newsletter. Find me on Instagram or LinkedIn where I post even more little tidbits about learning and my life.

Have a great week, and stay curious,

Shiv 💁🏽‍♀️